I'm not a good writer, but there are so many things I want/need to say. So much going on not only in my life, but in this world. Obviously some of this feeling and emotions sparks from two events, one that happened 5 years ago today, and the other the current fear I have. I want to speak about 9-11 first.


I remember that day clearly, as most people do about big events that are shocking and do so much destruction. That day I was just messing about the house, I think making breakfast. Eric called me from work and told me I needed to turn on the tv. I went to the bedroom with emmy, just a small child then, and saw the smoking first tower. They didn't know what happen....confusion on the pilots part, mechanical malfunction? They were in the middle of discussing it when suddenly the camera panned in on another plane just before IT crashed into the second tower! I jumped up and started crying. I was glued to that tv, I couldn't walk away. Part of me wanted to run to the school and get Blake, but would he be any safer at home than he was there? Still lots of confusion, but much clearer about what was going on that day. We began watching the clip of the plane going into the tower over and over and over again. The other video played again was the moment President Bush was told about the events. He was reading a book to small children. Think about that, and how hard that would be to remain calm infront of those kids.


Everything is still very emotional for so many, still a tender scar. I think it is one of those that will heal, but you will always feel the wound, no matter how long it's been.


The second thing is of course this thing with my nodules they found. I don't know what to think of it. I know that freating about it will do nothing, and there is no logical reason to sit and freak out, but that's alot easier for some than for others. I wanted people to know about this so they could pray for me. I believe in prayer.


In a way I was reprimanded by my mother in law for "sharing such a private issue." I love her, but in a way that really made me mad. The more people who know, the more that can pray for me. Who is she to say that it's not a big deal and should be kept private?? I'm scared. I need comfort, not criticism......


I go tomorrow for the consult with the surgeon. Eric has taken the day off so he can go with me and for that I am so grateful. I think I will really need/want him by my side. Hopefully they will say, its benign and innocent, but there is always the other option and for that I'm hopeful I don't hear. Either way, I SHOULD know tomorrow when I leave there what is going on, and where we will go from there.


Back to 9-11, God bless those who survived and those who lost loved ones. May we NEVER forget the events and may we always cherish our freedom and those who fight for it.